I know you must be heartbroken at the outcome from the Euro2020 Finals. Italy smacked us with penne pasta but here something that might cure your hangover/heartbreak but not help the voice you've lost screaming at the TV...
PHOEBE'S THOUGHTS 12/07/2021
"If the final was held in Wembley... does that mean it was already home?"
"What time is it? Oh, 13:17... has there ever been a time on the clock I've never seen before in all my 18 years of life?"
*thinks about advert tune* then 20 seconds later *ADVERT PLAYS*
"How is it possible I can feel myself needing to pee at one moment yet my bladder has probably been full for a good hour now"
"I love whoever looked at a fresh baked loaf of bread and thought... lets toast it again"
"Algebra is sh!t"
"So when it comes to mushrooms, did a group of mates just be like; 'oi lets all each a different mushroom and see what happens' one mate led on the floor dead and the other one sat on top hallucinating, thinking he's on a boat."
"How many showers have I taken in my life?"
"How were accents a thing? Like did someone come up North West England and start going 'aye la-'
"Who thought mixing flour, raw egg and some other sh!t together and making a cake?"
"Realistically, dog are just extreme humans. We both have senses, hair, bodily functions. Dog senses are more extreme than ours, they grow lots more hair than us, they eat, sleep, drink, pee and poop more than us. Their lives are even extreme in how they are quicker than ours..."
"If animal testing causes 'no extreme harm' then why can't we just do it to prisoners?"
"How long are women pregnant for? So many people have told me the answer to this and it's just not sticking in my head"
"When I become a parent, what if my parent instincts never kick in?"
"I can't wrap my head around after football finals, domestic abuse rates increase? Who in their right mind goes home to hit their partner over a game? Sorry to break your heart babe, but in this situation it's just football."
"Considering how ridiculous most taxi divers actually drive, I've never seen one in an accident"
"Why is it no one can understand that we are ruining the ocean and the earth. But are only willing to do something about it when it's too late? If you can change now, why not just change now?"
"Why is Britney Spears still not free?"
"Do I have pasta or pizza to celebrate?"
"It baffles me that when someone says 'omg you have balls to do that' that 'balls' means to be strong and tough enough, yet I could tap a man there and they are in agony?"
"All deodorants I've had say up to 24 hours protection yet I'm putting deodorant on every 3-4 hours. WHERE IS MY 20 OTHER HOURS OF PROTECTION GONE?!"
"I never remember actually falling asleep"
"If we can make paper money and swap for plastic money to save the trees. Why don't we do the same with envelopes?"
"How many people actually look at me and are like 'ooohhh I like her outfit' "
"Why can't people understand that your plastic straws are barely an impact on the ocean. Fishing nets are"
"Why can't the school system for languages be changed. Like I'm not going to go to Paris and chat up some random bloke talking about plastic bags and what jobs my uncle does?"
"Who's thoughts would I prefer to hear? A dog or a baby?"
"Before the police were a thing, was murder just a casual trip to corner shop for some people?"
"How do people born in 1999 or before feel, that when or IF you ever got asked for ID, all someone has to do is look at the first 2 numbers then give it back"
"How many raindrops does it take to make a puddle?"
"How are some people genetically modified to be able to bite ice cream?"
"It scares me that Princess Charlotte can speak more languages than me"
Thanks guys, or more like I'm sorry for that because your heads might be ticking all night now. But hey, go take a walk, fresh air, spend as much time with family, have a good day out, come back as you will be the only thing coming home. Whoops. Until next time...